I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
