He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
