All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
