So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
