marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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