Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
