I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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