Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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