Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
