This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
