Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
