he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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