What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
