Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
