I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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