Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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