You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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