yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
