You can't special order awesome
found the other keg... it's in the tree
two words: eviction party
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
