she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
