i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
