Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
a search helicopter?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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