as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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