Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
