Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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