I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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