I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
