Old men and throwing up are my life now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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