Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
