I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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