you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
