If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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