I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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