Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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