There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
