uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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