he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
