I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
