haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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