It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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