This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
