I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would fuck him just for his dog
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
