Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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