i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
