I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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