are you still at the devil's house?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
