god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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