She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
