Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
