I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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