remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
