Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
