she looked like the bat from fern gully.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
